Ryan VanZan's Web Design Articles and Rants

Because if your website sucks, you suck (or at least that's what your potential customers will assume). Your website is the first representation of yourself, your business, or whatever, by which many people will judge you. I know it's harsh, you might be a really nice guy or gal who just happens to have a website that sucks. But the people out in Internet Land don't know that - all they know is that your website sucks, so you must suck too.

I have called upon countless prospects who had horrible websites, expecting them to be so grateful to me for offering to give their internet self a makeover, only to be let down by some nasally, uptight sounding secretary telling me that they "already have someone taking care of that" for them. "Are you kidding me!? Have you seen your website? Do you have any idea who I am?" are just a few of the things that run through my mind, but I haven't said any of them yet. Maybe my sales techniques are off a bit. Maybe I should say those things, well not the last one. I feel sorry for these helplessly ignorant, maybe colorblind (or just blind) people. They must not be aware of what is wrong with their website.

So here is my "Your website sucks if..." list of a few indicators for a bad website:

Your website sucks if...

• An IT guy designed it.
• A print-ad designer designed or coded it.
• It was built with Microsoft's "award winning" tool FrontPage.
• It was built with Microsoft Word (please tell me that wasn't you!)
• You have a visible hit counter (is this still 1992?!)
• You have to scroll sideways to see the rest of the content.
• Your text is actually an image of text.
• It was cheap.

So, let me explain. IT guys, print-ad designers, FrontPage users, and Word users are all examples of people who do not have the background to design an effective website. Sure, IT guys know a lot about network security, but what design background does he have? He spends his days thinking about firewalls and looking at source code. Print-ad designers design print-ads, not websites. Print-ads and websites have different purposes, goals, and design needs. FrontPage was somewhat popular among amateurs and IT guys in the early 90's. So if your website was built that long ago you might as well drive to work on your donkey. Hit counters are also a throw-back of the infancy of the internet. Professional looking websites that aren't ebay listings should NEVER have a hit counter - it makes your website look like a kid built it!

Scrolling sideways to see all of the content on a website is a pain in the ass. If your web designer didn't know that, he was not a good designer. Text should never be trapped in an image. It was invented to be free so we can resize it if our display resolution is too high, or so we can copy and paste it into our book reports, or so blind people can have it automatically read to them (that's not a joke, blind people can and do use the internet). Finally, if your website designer was not skilled enough and didn't have enough expertise to charge a fair amount for his services, you should not have hired him in the first place. Shame on you for cutting corners and making me suffer through looking at your crappy website!

Labels: crappy, donkey, horrible, suck, web design, websites, Your website sucks if

I've been officially designing websites as a sole proprietor for a little more than a year now, and I have some tips for those of you out there who wish to hire someone to build a website for you. I'll just get right to the list now and explain later.

1. Getting a good website means more work for you.
2. Your ideas and input are absolutely necessary.
3. Having a cool website makes you cool.
4. You absolutely CAN get a #1 ranking on Google.
5. Your website will not look the same on all computers.
   
6. Web designers are NOT computer programmers.

Let's start with number... um... 1. When you hire someone to build a website for you it means that you will have a lot of things to talk about (but only if you want a good website). You might have to do some writing. You'll definitely have to spend some hours meeting with your web geek. Finally, you'll have to spend a lot of time online because you're going to be obsessed with your website.

On to #2. You need to let your designer know what you like and what you hate. You'll have to do research by looking at your competitor's websites and tearing them apart, that part is actually fun!

#3. When your customers go to your website and they think to themselves "Wow! It looks like a 5 year old built this website!" they might think that you're 5. If they check out your website and think "Woweewoowa! This is a cool website!" they're going to think that you're cool too. A good website gives you credibility even if it's simple and small. It's better to have a good and simple website than a big lousy website or no website at all.

#4. Everyone asks me "Can I get a #1 ranking on Google?" The short answer is "Yes!" Anyone can get a #1 ranking on Google, but you have to remember that your ranking is dependent on the keyword(s) searched for. Here is an example: If I type the word "gnorphosis" into this page I will have a #1 ranking when you search for "gnorphosis" on Google. Why? Because I made that word up. My website is the only website in the world with the word "gnorphosis" on it and that's why I'm #1. If you search Google for "designer" my ranking will be so low that you wouldn't be able to find it. Of course, the popularity of a keyword isn't the only factor in your ranking, but it is a major factor.

#5. You website will not look the same on every computer. I mean it! That is the most frustrating thing about my job. The best any web designer can do is to make websites look good on all computers. The reason why is because different browsers on different computers running different operating systems interpret and display the website code differently. Plus, you can customize how a website looks on your computer by changing the font size, color, etc.

I'm not a computer programmer. I use a computer for my work in the same way that an accountant uses his or her computer. I am a website programmer and designer. Websites do live on computers, but so do your emails and Word documents. Most of the code used for programming websites is barely related to computer programming code. So, please don't ask me if I can fix your computer. I'm almost as clueless as you are about that!

Now you know some stuff that I know. I hope it makes your life easier and funner.

gnar·pho·sis [nar-fo-sis] noun, verb
-noun
1. An elephant hair used for tickling the underside of Emu.

-verb
2. Alteration of perceived reality due to the effects of ingesting undercooked pond scum.

Labels: customer, gnarphosis, programmer, tips, web design